Turnips, Mushroom Bourguignon, Pierogies, and Apple Tart

Or, the Perils of Dating a Food Writer/Cook.

So I met this guy, we hit it off, and I’m basically crushin’ on him really hard. To be honest, the whole dating thing is really difficult for me. I’m terrible at selling myself, especially if I like the person I’ve met. In order to mask my acute insecurities and myriad personal inadequacies, I decided to seal the deal by making him dinner. Thank god for gourmet food goggles.

The first course was a simple plate of raw Hakurei turnips sprinkled with some fennel-citrus salt. Hakureis are really sweet (for turnips, anyway) and are just perfect as a snacking vegetable. If I had a mandoline, I would have sliced them thin and served them like sashimi, but I don’t have one. And also, it’s not the ’00s anymore.

I served Smitten Kitchen‘s vegetarian mushroom bourguignon as the main course. I was kind of a cheapo and used organic white button mushrooms instead of portobellos or criminis, but it didn’t make a big difference. Since I got a cute little bag of chervil in my CSA share this week, I chopped up a bit of it and sprinkled it on top.

The pierogies are filled with a mixture of dino kale, Yukon Gold potatoes, caramelized onions, and more Hakurei turnips. Mushroom bourguignon is a nice departure from the traditional pierogi accompaniments of sour cream or applesauce, too. All I ever want is savory, savory, savory anyway. My date, who pretty much wiped his plate clean, seemed to agree. <3

Lastly, I served up Jacques Pepin’s apple tart for dessert. The crust, a pate brisée, turned out so flaky and crispy that one could probably eat the whole thing without silverware. The dessert was kind of a butter explosion, but it just tasted so good! Especially with fresh CSA apples. I’m not sure what variety they were, but they worked really well in this dish. (Sorry, I’m useless.)

Spinach, Capriko, and Mushroom Pie

Man! Being poor kind of sucks, guys! But somehow I can still manage to scrounge something good up while still keeping an eye on “SALE” tags. Though most of my food comes from the regular cheapo grocery store, there are a few luxuries that I prefer to get at my local food co-op. (In my case, it’s the Eastside Co-op in Northeast Minneapolis.) That would include my rare purchases of meat, all of my cheeses, potatoes, and eggs.

When I was planning on making this pie, the co-op happened to have put Capriko on sale, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try that instead of Emmentaler cheese. Capriko, as it turns out, is an awesomely nutty cheese that is produced by Nordic Creamery, based in Wisconsin. It hit just the right savory notes with the spinach, mushrooms, and paprika in the dish and made it swoon-worthy.

I adapted the recipe from the Moosewood Cookbook, and added some things that I happened to have on hand. The crust was made from 6T local unsalted butter + 1.5C flour + 4-5T milk. I didn’t prebake the crust and it was fine. The mixture isn’t super goopy by any means, so it didn’t hurt it at all. Saute the vegetables first. You probably want about a cup-and-a-half to two cups of filling. I used mushrooms, onions, and spinach, but you can do whatever you want. Then I threw some thyme, Dijon mustard, and cayenne pepper into the mix for spice.

I shredded the capriko (you can use any similarly nutty cheese) and layered that on the bottom of the crust. The eggy part was about 3 eggs, 1.5C milk, and 2T flour. Layer the vegetables on top of the cheese and then pour the eggy stuff on top. Bake in a 375 oven for 40 minutes or so until it firms up. Finish with some smoked paprika salt

We fucking demolished the pie in two days. Definitely a record.

Mushroom and Caramelized Onion Pizza

The most dependable combination of flavors that I can pull out has always been mushroom and caramelized onion. (That’s a lie. When I was 4 it was white bread crumbs and my nose. Oh, sweet manna from heaven!) I first learned how to caramelize onions when I was 13, just messing around in the kitchen while my mom was at work. For some reason I was a vegetarian, so I would always be on the lookout for interesting things to put on my Gardenburgers, like sun-dried tomato tapenade, pesto, fried shallots and — of course — caramelized onions.

I’d point to my burgeoning awareness of the Maillard effect as one of the formative events of my life. Onions that were hell to eat raw became sweet, with a little bit of salt, olive oil and low heat. I became a motherfucking wizard. The following recipe is easy, especially because I cheated with Betty Crocker’s help. Sorry! I’m working on making my own pizza crust, but it’s slow going.

Mushroom and Caramelized Onion Pizza

• Pizza dough
• 3 mushrooms, chopped (fewer or more depending on how much crust you’ve got)
• half of an onion, sliced (doesn’t matter which kind)
• Gruyere cheese, grated
• Mozzarella cheese, fresh if you can get it
• Parmesan cheese, grated
• olive oil
• parsley, chopped
• truffle oil

Prepare pizza dough according to directions (lol). Sauté mushrooms in a little bit of olive oil, maybe throw some salt and pepper in there, put aside. Caramelize* onions over low heat, throw some sugar on top to facilitate the process. Brush your pizza dough, which should be on a baking pan/pizza stone at this point, with olive oil and spread the onions on top. I like to put the Gruyere on top of the onions, and then layer the mushrooms with the rest of the cheese. Do what suits you. Bake for however long it takes for your crust to firm up. When it comes out of the oven, sprinkle it with parsley and a tiny drizzle of truffle oil.

*PROTIP: To caramelize an onion, throw it onto a pan with salt and olive oil (or butter) over medium heat. You can also add sugar, especially if you’re not using Vidalia or sweet onions. Stir the onions occasionally until they get soft and brown. It’ll take a few minutes, so be patient!

Porcini Tortellini with Pan-Roasted Shiitake Mushrooms

Mushrooms are magic.

Did anyone ever really expect that truffles, which normally look like testicles, would be declared “the diamond of the kitchen” by Brillat-Savarin? That the fungus that happens to grow on cow shit (and taste like shit, conveniently) would become legendary among high school punks? Even the lowly portobello has become a lifesaver for asshole vegetarians who want to feel included at barbecues. After I saw the last episode of David the Gnome (the one where he kicks it and turns into a tree) as a kid, I began to believe that mushrooms were the dead souls of dryads. It definitely made eating them more interesting.

There’s something about mushrooms that makes them seem like they’d be the perfect pre-game meal for a homicidal maniac. Isn’t it easy to imagine Buffalo Bill hovering over a mushroom risotto, clad head-to-toe in his woman suit? Is it just me?

But onto today’s foodie shit!

Porcini Ravioli with Pan-Roasted Shiitake Mushrooms

• A thing of porcini-themed ravioli
• A handful of shiitake mushrooms (chop if you feel like it)
• 1 shallot, chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic, chopped
• A bit o’ butter
• A tablespoon or two of olive oil
• A faint whisper of truffle oil
• A few sprigs’ worth of fresh thyme leaves

Get a pot of salted water boiling over high heat!

In the meantime, heat the olive oil in a pan over medium-high heat until it looks good and sexy. Toss the mushrooms in and season with salt and pepper. Don’t move them around too much or I’ll kill you. Cook until brown(er).

Add the garlic, butter, thyme and shallots to the pan and cook the mess for a while. Once they look done, take the pan off the heat and drizzle a little truffle oil on top.

Hopefully the water is boiling by now. Toss the ravioli in and wait until they get puffy.

Serve the mushrooms on top of the ravioli with a bit of freshly grated cheese and a tall glass of soy milk!