Linguini with Shrimp and Asparagus, Southpaw-Style

My roster of easily executable fall-back recipes is dominated by pasta dishes; they’re the easiest thing in the world to prepare apart from a bag of chips (1. Open 2. Eat).  Should I even beleaguer this discussion with a recipe?  I can assure you that I have tested the pitiful easiness of this dish by trying to make it solely with my left hand.  Save for its sad lack of freshly ground black pepper, it turned out just fine. The ingredients are usually easy to buy in bulk, so it’s easy on the wallet.  You just need to buy a bag of frozen asparagus (Trader Joe’s is the best!), shrimp, dried pasta and some garlic and you’re pretty much set for life.

It’s really easy to just make food without thinking about it, though I try to take some time out to make something really good once in a while.  When I make pasta + sauce/vegetables I just feel kind of weird, in the way that loveless sex makes a person feel weird.  Or not?  Maybe you’re just a ho, ever think of that?

Linguini with Shrimp and Asparagus 

• Shrampz
• Linguini
• Asperger’s
• Garlic
• Olive Oil

Boil linguini.  Cook everything else.  Combine to form… Voltr- delicious food!  HOORJ I AM SO HAPPY ^____^

Fish & Chips from A Salt & Battery

DC FUCKING SUCKS (in terms of the culinary scene… and also everything else). So, a retrospective!

When Harry Potter 7 came out, I thought, ‘I’ve gotta do this shit right!’ I hopped onto the F train and got off at 14th & 6th, just as it was getting dark and the only people on the street were homeless folk and yuppies. A week ago, Natalie and I had been idly watching Throwdown with Bobby Flay when it dawned on us that the featured chef — who, by the way, kicked that fancypants blue cornball’s ass — worked in Greenwich Village! Late to the party as usual, we resolved to undertake the A Salt & Battery experience ourselves.

True to form, I went without her. I was foolish, impatient, proud! I had to have them. When I finally got home, white paper bag in hand, the fish had cooled somewhat and the chips had gone limp. Even so, my first bite of fish tasted the way Mario’s first bite of a 1up mushroom must have. Sexcellent.

Everything tasted fresh and handmade, except for the fish because you can’t really make a fish by hand. The chips alone were a revelation. I realized that I had become far too complacent eating frozen French fries. They were also quite dangerous as well: I almost choked on one when I found out that Hermione was a dude/Hagrid died/Harry’s pet hamster got the clap. Congratulations fish and chips, for you are delicious!

A Salt & Battery (112 Greenwich Ave., New York, NY 10011)