The Kitchen Bitch » Brunch

_______’s General Store

Soleil — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 02:14:34 +0000

Out of respect for the proprietor’s hatred of publicity, I will refrain from dropping his name in this post. Just know that eating at this restaurant is probably one of the most sincere experiences you will ever have in New York City. This guy just does not give a shit, and that is something I can really get down with.

Last month, I had the pleasure of eating there with Chris and my friend Parvoneh. The fact that they were both tourists was a good enough excuse to do crazy shit like wait in an hour-long line for brunch. The wait felt so long that when someone asked me what I was waiting for I forgot for a second. Totally worth it though, and here’s why:

CHEESEBURGER SOUP!

EGGS, BARBEQUE PULLED PORK, TOAST AND MACARONI AND CHEESE!

VEGAN SAUSAGE!

MACARONI AND CHEESE AND BLACKBERRY PANCAKES!

A HUGEASS PUMPKIN SHAKE!

Bam, motherfucker.

Tagged: cheap eats, eggs, holy grail, new york city, pancakes, restaurant, soup

What Dreams Are Made of

Soleil — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 19:38:06 +0000

Flour, vegetable oil, water and salt. Well, shit.

During her time at Grinnell last semester, my anarchofreegan doom metal friend Emily instituted Tortilla Tuesdays, nights when she would make mounds of tortillas by hand in exchange for attendees’ fixins. Before then, I had never even contemplated making tortillas. It seemed like something that should be left solely to the specialists.

But it’s so simple! It’s like trying really hard to figure out what to get your mother for Christmas and settling for a generic candle that’s she’s kind of OK with when you could have just asked her in the first place. In the end your mother thinks you don’t love her. This is the same thing.

The recipe is so easy that I’m going to write it down from memory right here:

Flour Tortillas

2 C flour
1 tsp salt
1/4 C vegetable oil
3/4 C boiling water

Combine the first three ingredients in a bowl and mix them together while the water boils. Make an indent in the mixture and pour the water in. Mix it with a spatula for the first 30 seconds or so until it cools down, then use your fingers.

Once it gets to be the consistency of dough, roll it into little balls with a 1-inch diameter. Set them down in a baking tray or something and cover with a cloth for 45 minutes. Once their time is up, roll out each one to your desired thickness and toss ‘em onto a hot skillet. I believe the cooking time is 20 seconds, flip, 10 seconds, flip, 10 seconds and you’re done. [Edit: Actually, Emily corrected me on this one. It's 10/20/10 seconds.]

They come out really nice and chewy, just how I like them. And you can top them with pretty much whatever — Emily likes them with peanut butter and jelly, or you can go for more Mexican-inspired things.

This guy over here has homemade refried beans, guacamole and salsa. Fuck yeaaaahhhh these are so good when you’re drunk!

Tagged: cheap, drunk, easy, mexican, recipe, tortillas

The Bloody Mary or How I Learned to Drink Something Else While Watching Zombie Flicks

Tim — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:25:30 +0000

Mixed drinks are alright but they’re generally easy to figure out. You put this sweet thing with that sweet thing, you choke it down, then you’re drunk.

This is why the bloody mary stands out. After all, how many salty cocktails have you had? It’s by far my favorite drink. It seems like a meal in so many ways! It goes well with beer, as if to hide its filthy alcoholic nature!

What you’ll need:
Tomato juice (I don’t recommend vegetable juice)
Worcestershire sauce (as a replacement, I use Angostura Bloody Mary Seasoning)
Tabasco sauce
Celery salt
Vodka (this drink is too flavorful to suffer much from shitty vodka. Save your money and get the cheap stuff!)
Optional garnish (olive, pickle, celery… go nuts!)

Get a receptacle. I really like mason jars because they impart a certain Midwestern class to a drink, and also you can shake your drink right in your cup! Pour in your vodka (one to three shots), several squirts of tabasco (I use about four), several drops of Worcestershire (three or four, or two dashes of Angostura) and two shakes of celery salt. Cover this with 1 to 1.5 cups of tomato juice and stir (classy Midwesterners will shake). Garnish with an olive (you deserve a prize at the bottom). Serve!

Thirsty readers will note that a bloody mary goes down well with a beer (sort of like coffee and orange juice).

Tagged: cocktail, drunk

Potato, Prosciutto and Gruyere Frittata

Soleil — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 18:55:12 +0000

Yes, I admit it — I’m a Food & Wine fag. This magazine is the most bougie of the bougie, the epitome of flaunting it when you got it. Fragments of old issues clutter up my notebooks like a virgin’s pressed flowers, and they each scream out to me, “This is what you could be eating!” Skimming through these cuttings, I am ashamed. I could be using the money I spend on luxury goods like truffle butter and goat cheese to… I don’t know, adopt a barefoot Indian child. But Food & Wine and the culture of haute cuisine beckon me, and I am ambivalently convinced of the art in epicurean pursuits.

So here’s a frittata recipe that I found in Food & Wine. It was beautiful to eat.

Potato, Prosciutto and Gruyere Frittata

1 dozen large eggs
2 tbsp. water
salt and pepper
1 packed cup shredded Gruyere
4 oz. prosciutto, sliced 1/4-inch thick
1/4 C extra-virgin olive oil
1 lb. Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and diced
2 scallions, thinly sliced

Preheat the oven to 375°. In a bowl, beat the eggs with the water and season with 3/4 teaspoon of salt and 1/2 teaspoon of pepper. Beat in the Gruyère and prosciutto.

Heat the olive oil in a large, nonstick ovenproof skillet. Add the potatoes and cook over moderately high heat, stirring occasionally, until tender and golden brown, about 7 minutes. Add the scallions and cook for 1 minute. Stir the egg mixture and add to the skillet. Stir to distribute the potatoes. Cook until the bottom is just set, about 3 minutes; lift the frittata to allow the uncooked eggs to seep underneath.

Bake the frittata for about 10 minutes, until nearly set in the center.

Preheat the broiler. Broil the frittata 8 inches from the heat for 1 minute, until the top is just beginning to brown. Cut the frittata into wedges and serve hot or at room temperature.

Horribly Delicious Egg Salad Sandwich

Soleil — Sun, 27 May 2007 20:37:20 +0000

My family really likes to buy eggs. Which is all well and good, save for the fact that they’re rather slow about eating them. This Memorial Day weekend, my mom and sister went off to California and left me alone with a nearly full carton of eggs with a “best by” date of May 14. Hmm.

So I turned on some Wesley Willis and sat in the living room trying to figure out the best way to dispose of 11 eggs without ending up a disillusioned wretch, sadly spooning week-old frittata into my tired maw. But then I realized that you could put all sorts of shit into egg salad, thus extending its welcome by a few more days. Additions like bacon, green olives, capers, jalapeño slices and curry powder work really well with it, and elevate it beyond its tired 50s-era picnic food stereotype. Thank you, 19th Century Anglo-Americans, for your unashamed love affair with covering proteins with mayo!

The following recipe is meant to be flexible; just put in whatever amount feels right to you.

Vague Egg Salad

eggs, hard-boiled and coarsely chopped
Hellman’s mayonnaise
dijon mustard
salt & pepper
mustard powder
chives, chopped into tiny-ish pieces

Combine everything proportionally: I’d say 2.5 parts mayo to 1 part mustard, a healthy dash of S&P and mustard powder, and enough chives to proliferate the whole mixture. Top the whole thing with paprika when you serve it. You can also eat it on a sandwich with cooked bacon, capers, sliced green olives, sliced jalapeños or curry powder. You could try adding cheese, but I think that’s pretty gross.